I don’t think there’s been a friendlier face for smearing poo.

God Bless you, Florida. A man was arrested in Brooksville, Florida after allegedly smearing poo on his girlfriend’s back during a lover’s spat.

Jacob Kuhn, 32, was arrested after his unidentified girlfriend called the police citing domestic violence. The girlfriend told police that the two had been having drinks in Kuhn’s apartment when the couple began physically fighting. Eventually Kuhn resorted to rubbing the feces into her back.

You know you try to have a nice date night, and it always ends in poo.

Officers say Kuhn initially absconded from the scene but later returned and was arrested. He’s charged with domestic battery and is being held without bond, which seems unfair for the guy being charged with the only hilarious form of domestic battery possible.

Investigators have no word yet on to whom the poo belonged.

THIS WEEK’S PODCAST: Episode 57: Craig Gaspian & The Lusty Lady

About Eric Barry

Eric Barry is a Chicago comedian, writer, and creator of Full Disclosure, voted "Best Sex-Positive" podcast by the Chicago Reader. He holds a B.A. in Theater & Performance Studies from UC Berkeley, and his work has been featured on Huffington Post, Cosmo, SF Chronicle, and more. He is currently working on developing a pilot based off his time in the sex work industry.