Man Has 100 Orgasms Left Before He Will Permanently Lose Erection

sad gonzo

In a rare case of Enchanted Rose penis, a man has claimed that he only has 100 orgasms left before his dong permanently transforms into a flaccid beast.

According to BroBible, the man, only referred to as “R.L.S.” suffers from a condition called ideopathic fibrosis of the corpora cavernosa, wherein an autoimmune reaction causes scar tissue to build up every time his penis becomes engorged with blood. As scar tissue continues to build, eventually blood will no longer be able to enter the erectile tissue of the penis. I think it’s kind of like body builders who forget to take a leg day, and eventually can’t raise their arms into a t-shirt.

body builder tank top

I’d hate to see how veiny this guy’s boner is.

The man, who is a friend of an employee at BroBible, said that doctors have never seen a case like his, but estimate that he has roughly 100 erections left before the scar tissue renders his penis un-bonerable. R.L.S. says he’s exhausted all possible therapeutic and medical treatments, and at this point has resigned himself to being super selective with which ladies get the tip of his hat and the wag of his finger.

From R.L.S.’s email on BboBible:

You cannot imagine the feeling. I go in for what I think is a routine physical, and I’m blindsided. My whole life changes in an instant; like hearing you have six months to live. I honestly thought the doctor was fucking with me– how do you even process that kind of information?

If there’s a positive takeaway from this story, it’s definitely that from now on whenever I can’t get wood I’m just gonna tell ladies I exhausted my boner quota for the day.

Fun new game for social gatherings this weekend: try replacing the “What would you do if you had 100 days left to live” question “What would you do if you had a 100 boners left to live”.

About Eric Barry

Eric Barry is a Chicago comedian, writer, and creator of Full Disclosure, voted "Best Sex-Positive" podcast by the Chicago Reader. He holds a B.A. in Theater & Performance Studies from UC Berkeley, and his work has been featured on Huffington Post, Cosmo, SF Chronicle, and more. He is currently working on developing a pilot based off his time in the sex work industry.

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